Correspondence with Satan

Satan, I know what you've done & north pole no i will never forgive you. i don't respect you for making my ex hate my guts i despise you deeply. I will pray for forgiveness so i won't have to see your ugly face again
your worst nightmare :(
(name)

While I've never even met this fellow's girlfriend, he didn't seem sufficiently amenable to actual communication from the Beyond for me to bother trying to write to him. -S

dear satan
lately i've been fantazing about my friend who i cant name here i wonder if you can help me to live out my fantasy just once bc i think shes hot
(name)

Dear *****,
While I sympathize with your plight, I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place for help. I'm all about the individual will - everybody's individual will, so that includes hers as well. You're just going to have to find a way to convince her that you're hot. After all, we're all hot one way or another, aren't we?
Best of luck,
Satan

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