From: hutch@ibeam.intel.com (Steve Hutchison)
Date: 13 Jul 93 05:59:52 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn
Subject: [MG] Kadrys, 'Raelf:  Dues and Reparations

[ADMIN]  This is a joint post, me and Andrea Evans.  Thanks to
Liralen for the framing music.


+ "they tell you that this rain can sting, and look down
+  there's no blood around, see no sign of pain
+  hay ay ay no pain
+  seeing no red at all, see no rain 


It was mid-morning the day after the concert in the Plaza of Glittering
Steel, and the breakfast mob had just cleared out, leaving the Inn
in one of its less crowded states.  Kadrys sat in his usual place,
pondering the events of the night before, and wondering if he'd ever
get over the betrayal he felt.

'Raelf was talking to Littlefair.  Kadrys' hearing was of course good
enough to follow the conversation, though normally he disregarded
anything that didn't pertain to him.  Survival required him to know
when he was being discussed, but he seldom eavesdropped.  Courtesy, and
the fact that he couldn't possibly remember the tiny details of every
trivial conversation, precluded casual snooping.

But this time he did listen, not sure why.

"Look, 'Raelf, you've paid your tab, and an advance, I don't really
need to be paid for the stuff in the street.  I got considerable of
the spillover after the concert, no need to worry."  Littlefair resumed
polishing a beer stein.

"Dude, I trashed your peacekeeper spell, killing Luthor in here.
Sure I was out of my head, but that still doesn't undo the damage."

"And you know that the spell was wearing thin anyway.  Most of its
force came from the common belief that it would work."  Littlefair
placidly replaced the mug in the rack and picked up the next.

"Crowd control.  I know.  But you still gotta keep the peace."

"We've still got Listener, and the other defenses are still in place.
And the day I can't bounce any of the Rabble, or for that matter just
about any of you adventurer types, well, I'll get a real job.
You worry too much, 'Raelf."

"Yah, you prob'ly right.  Let me know if you want to take bids on
having the peacekeeper replaced."

"Will do."  They shook hands.

'Raelf turned and looked straight at Kadrys.  He seemed to square his
shoulders, then smiled and came over, a glass of elvenwine in one hand.

"Kadrys.  Just the man I'm looking for."

"Really?"

"Mind if I sit?"

"Not at all.  What can I do for you?"

"Come to my house tonight.  And, uhm, there's something personal I need
to tell you."

"There is?"  Kadrys leaned forward, betraying a hint of curiosity.

"Well, you remember two days past, at the party?"

"What a question.  Of course I do," Kadrys smiled and toyed with an
empty cup.  'Raelf glanced down at it, and frowned.

"I owe you this."  He took the cup, and placed one wrist over it.  The
veins stood out over corded muscles.  One fingernail, suddenly razor
sharp and glinting of steel, sliced along one vein inside the wrist.
Kadrys suppressed a flinch, his eyes widening as he watched.
Red, steaming blood poured into the cup, filling it to the brim, then
the opening vanished, skin unbroken.

"A toast, to the preservation of hope."  'Raelf lifted his glass.

Kadrys raised the cup to his lips.  The scent was right, but there was
an overtone of something strange.  He let the blood fill his mouth,
flow down his throat.  The life that flooded him was incredibly intense,
burning far brighter than he had expected.  The wave of pleasure exploded
through his body, ignited his brain.  His awareness of the world vanished
like a candle blown out.

				*contact*

  Again the sunlit beach, the light a gentle caress on his warm brown skin.
  The trees around were recovered from the storm, though towering clouds
  remained ominous in the air.  Beside him, clad in brightly colored
  shorts, 'Raelf stood, looking every bit as human as he normally did.

  "I wanted to give you this a long time ago." 'Raelf said quietly.

  "You don't look the same as last time."

  "Would you rather I took my trueshape?"

  "It doesn't matter.  If you want to."

  "I'll stay like this then.  There's something I can tell you here
   that I simply can't say out loud.  I trust you, Kadrys.  I'm giving
   you a bit of my self.  It's to make up for what 'Raf did by
   mistake, he's very upset about it."

  "I don't understand.  Raffi, he was you twisted by the avatar."

  "Remember how I showed up in the Inn before we left on the dragon hunt?"

  "I couldn't forget.  We thought you were twins for a while."

  "Well, I'm something like twins again.  I deliberately set out to
   follow six different major timeforks that I knew were going to
   end.  'Raf came from the end of one of those.  So did Kev, and
   Lex, and one other who's still out there somewhere.  I was the
   anchor, the focus so that my otherselves wouldn't be changed beyond
   recovery by the thing we were just fighting.  You must have seen
   some of that battle in your contact with 'Raf."

  "I saw that you had been twisted.  I never knew by what."

  "He was something worse than Lord Raven ever dreamed of being.  The
   ReaversChild.  You've been around long enough to know about the Five
   Wars...  This was an agent against Hope.  It cost a lot to defeat
   him, more than just power.  I have four otherselves now.  Kev, Lex,
   'Raf, and the one we haven't found yet.  I nearly lost a fifth, but
   he's back among me again.  With the others...  I can't rejoin them,
   Kadrys.  They each have a Power lodged in them that I can't
   incorporate...

   Well, really, that I don't dare incorporate - I don't want the
   limitations that come with those powers.  Lex has omniscience, no
   matter that it's limited, it sucks - the world gets boring when you
   can see through everything.  And it's tied in through my Water focus,
   in such a way as to force Dave's persona more to the front."

   'Raelf slouched down into a kneeling position, and Kadrys joined
   him on the ground, stretching out to enjoy the rare sensation of
   sunlight that wasn't painful.  'Raelf continued.

   "Kev's in my Fire node, and he's been cursed with effectiveness.
   Imagine how hard it is to play, to just goof around, when whatever
   you venture is doomed to extreme success, even when you just want
   to pretend.  It's pretty hard on the kid.  Little Rat doesn't
   understand why he won't take things serious.  He doesn't dare to.

   And then 'Raf's tied into Earth through the persona fragments of a
   very old, immortal, alcoholic satyr I once helped to die: he's got
   to grant whatever hearts desire anyone asks of him, no matter how
   much it would destroy them.  That's what happened with Dasham the
   other night.  The worst bit is that he can always grant the desire,
   because of the way the gift was built.

   The Powers, they're all so tempting, but I really _don't_ need to
   be a god, I need to just be myself.  And the others, they're myself,
   too, and I want them back, as much as they want to be back with me.

   I can share memory, merge identities so that we don't drift too
   far away, with Kev and with Lex.  Not 'Raf though.  He was my last
   defense, and the strongest, and he may be changed forever.  We're
   hoping to figure a way around it.  But we knew the risks when we
   started."  A determined frown crossed his face.

  "I see.  So you're different people again."  Kadrys rolled to his
  feet, as 'Raelf stood from the kneeling position.

  "For now.  I wanted you to know, without your help we would have
   lost to the ReaversChild.  And 'Raf wants you to know, he didn't
   mean to throw you out of contact like that.  It's, how you say,
   poor technique."  'Raelf was grinning wickedly.

  A smile in return, crooked because of the wry emotions behind it,
  not for once because there were fangs to hide.

  "You know how confused Raffi was.  Whatever - discourtesy - may have
   been done at the time, was understandable under the circumstances,
   in his state of bewilderment, of violation."

  A sudden unintended darkening in Kadrys' tones at the last word added
  emphasis.  'Raelf frowned, his eyes a deep soft blue, mirroring
  his concern.  The clouds gathered overhead, a few drops of water
  struck them, leaving a damp red spot on Kadrys' shirt.

  "C'mon.  What is it?  Tell me," 'Raelf urged, but Kadrys stared at
  him, in silence.  "Kadrys, it's important, I want to know."

  Kadrys exhaled shakily, a ragged dry chuckle, utterly devoid of
  mirth.  His eyes dropped to the white glitter of the sands.  At the
  gentle touch on his arm, he half-leaped backwards, the black
  intensity of his stare striking 'Raelf almost like a blow, though of
  course the flame of the vampiric gaze was absent.

  "Do you really want to know?  Do you really want any idea of what it
   was _like_ for me?  Do you?  To be alone, _really_ alone, just
   yourself and nothing more, for all those godscursed ages?  To have
   to fight for who you are, against everything that time and fate
   and hatred can throw at you?  To survive all that, somehow, and
   then...  And then, to have to give it all away, just open yourself
   wide and surrender?  Just _give_ someone all that, everything you
   are, all you've suffered for, just hand it over?"

  Kadrys' face was flushed with the force of his emotions, his normally
  quiet voice had risen to what was for him almost a shout.  'Raelf
  stood silently, hands at his side, waiting without words.  Kadrys'
  sudden, harsh tones broke the silence.

  "No, forget about all that.  That's unimportant.  That, I could
   handle.  It was necessary.  I'd do it all again.  I _owed_ you, at
   _least_ that much.  For Imariye'."  His voice grew a little softer,
   his head bowed, obscuring his face.  "But..."  He drew a deep,
   shuddering breath, fighting for calm.
   
  "But finally, after all this time, to surrender my deepest self, to
   give in; and to enjoy it, to love that melding so much that its
   ending was grief, that my freedom was a source of pain, that the
   very moment of regaining my own self was a moment of sorrow, that in
   that moment it was no longer enough for me to be just my own self?
   Even though my own self is all I can ever be, all I can ever have?"

  He raised his head suddenly, almost threatening 'Raelf with the image
  of his own pain written plain upon his face.  His eyes wide and dark,
  wells of anguish.  Again, he whispered, hotly, "Can you have any
  _idea_ what it was like?"

  Slowly, grimly, 'Raelf nodded.  His face spoke of forebodings
  confirmed.  "'Raf told me about this, I was afraid it might be..."
  He took a single step closer, extended a hand tentatively.
  "Open up to me, Kadrys.  I need to understand.  Show me."

  At this, Kadrys gave a burst of laughter.  The sound was oddly like
  sobbing.  "_Again?_" he cried.  "What, you still haven't pawed over
  these old ruins enough?  Still a few godsforsaken memories you
  haven't plundered yet?  Or do you just want to relive the particularly
  _interesting_ bits?"  He smiled, a bright, bitter baring of teeth.

  'Raelf took a deep breath.  His voice was quiet, but the echoes
  reached a chord deep inside.  "Kadrys, please.  Listen to me.  This
  is not like you.  I know you..."  Another breath, power drawn and
  focused inwards, centering.  The same quiet tones, the same echoing
  strangeness.  "Something's been done to you.  I can't find out what,
  not at this level..."

  Kadrys gaped, his face full of the same pain, the same absolute
  surprise, of a man stabbed without warning, staring at the knife in
  his body.  _His_ words.  Almost his very voice.  The words he had
  spoken to Raffi, when he had been driven wild by the Reaverschild's
  bondage.  He recalled his own words, the fury of despair in his
  heart.  'Something's been done to you...' The words seemed to echo in
  his ears.  Horror in his face, he took two steps toward 'Raelf, clung
  to him like a drowning man.  His heart was hammering, the breath
  shuddering in his lungs, its tremor underlying his voice.
  "Yes.  Do it.  _Now,_ before I change my mind!"

  The clouds burst above them, drenching waves of warm salty rain.

  Brown, muscled arms tightening around his body, his own gripping in
  return with the strength of desperation.  The pressure between them
  building, and then the sudden breaking of tension, the indescribable
  sensations of two bodies, two minds, two souls, melting into one.

  He was.  Darkness at the heart of a Void, surrounded by the vivid
  maelstrom of the elemental essences.

  'Raelf sank into the endless layers of memory, felt the weight of
  the uncounted years of experiences settling on him like deep black
  water, cold and full of hidden currents and strange creatures.  He
  wondered why Kadrys kept them all in the forefront of his mind; the
  'kan had learned in their early days how to save memories in a way
  that they weren't a massive abyss around them.  Must be the curse,
  no Vampire was ever expected to outlive his homeworld.  The memories
  here were enough to crush the sanity of anyone foolish enough to
  try to experience them in full.  But 'Raelf was one with their owner,
  and he could not lose his way.

  As he searched, he felt a sense of the fundamental starkness of this
  mind, which had been honed mercilessly by time.  A survival machine,
  sculpted by long adversity, anchored to a pragmatism harder than
  stone.  But there was peril in such absolute focus.  A single piece
  of grit in the wrong place, and a precision machine will destroy
  itself, while a less finely wrought piece of engineering will be able
  to muddle through, its inefficiency almost unaffected.  This mind had
  been forged to endure incredible pressures from outside.  But it was
  achingly vulnerable to attack from within its own self.

  Kadrys felt the sense of searching, a touch trailing through his
  mind, warm and light as fingertips stroking his hair.  'Raelf,
  slipping into his memory, passing over the recent days with a stab
  of disappointment - the Wyvern still had a long way to go, she still
  wasn't trusting people... but it was a start.

  _You forgave her?_

  _What else could I do?  It would be foolish to waste time holding
  a grudge over it.  She cannot help being what she is any more than
  Lancos could help killing me while his mind was controlled by that
  medallion of his.  And I refuse to become the kind of beast which
  I despise, just so I would have the power to revenge myself on her.
  I understand her, probably better than she does herself._
  
  _Interesting perspective.  So only part of your personality has
  been damaged by my clumsiness.  Good._

  Memories again, the tightrope walk on a clothesline between two
  buildings, and before, the ache of the conversation with Kardia after
  the dance.  'Raelf projected a warm sympathy to Kadrys -- getting
  dumped, no matter how gently, is always a drag, especially when it's
  done by someone who still loves you.

  And then it was.  Founders' Night, dancing, and before that... 'Raelf
  gently moved closer into the memory, studying Kadrys' view of the
  merger with Raffi with great care, the thorough, dispassionate view
  of an outsider.  Looking for things which didn't fit.

  A discovery.  And a sense of grim relief.

  _What is it, 'Raelf?_

  _There.  When you first tried to get Raffi to remember who he was.
  When all your words failed.  Remember the despair.  How you reached
  into yourself for the power to shake it off.  Remember what you felt
  then._

  _Something wrong.  Something deep.  Draining my strength.  Something
  from Raffi._

  _Yes.  The avatar had taken his -- my -- love of others, of physical
  and emotional closeness, and had twisted and chained it into a need
  to feed off the emotions of others.  Your burst of despair, when the
  two of you were so close, was so strong, the twisting caused Raffi to
  tap into you by stealth, to revel in the intensity of your emotion.
  Remember, you felt your ability to fight despair weakened by the
  contact, and you tore away from it.  But the contact had been made,
  the taint was left behind._

  A burst of fear, desperation, from Kadrys.  A wave of calm in reply.

  _The taint is gone.  It died when the Warrior of Hope shone into
  you, when Raffi was freed from the avatar's chains.  But damage had
  already been done.  Damage so subtle the Warrior couldn't see it
  without joining souls with you._

  _What damage?_  Stark intensity.

  _It acted in you, as it did in Raffi, by twisting emotions.  When you
  broke the first chain, the shock of remembering led Raffi to break your
  melding in great haste.  In his confusion and anguish, he didn't
  think about what it would do to you, until much later.  That sudden
  tearing apart was a great shock to you._

  _Yes._

  _It was natural for you to enjoy the togetherness, you're human, after
  all, at the core.  You've always needed the new, the strange, the
  sensual.  Only natural.  And to get all that torn away so suddenly?
  Of _course_ the shock of it hurt.  You would've been able to deal
  with that hurt, like you've always managed to in the past...  But
  that's where the avatar's taint got in the way.  It took your natural
  shock, and twisted it.  Made it into an overriding loneliness.  And
  worse.  It made you feel empty and incomplete, made it insufficient
  to be just your own self.  (Amusement)  You've got more self in here
  than most armies, Kadrys._

  Quiet surprise.

  _But the earlier injury to your ability to withstand despair, it
  hadn't been healed.  Of course it didn't matter that the taint itself
  was erased.  Its effects were still there, festering inside you.  The
  tainted despair used your own survival adaptations, your constant
  introspection, your need to watch for and forestall future weaknesses,
  all were turned against you.  You couldn't know that the bottomless
  pit of abandonment, the alienation and hollowness, wasn't your own
  honest reaction._

  _I thought I'd been so changed by the experience that I'd never be
  able to bear the loneliness without it, never be happy again with
  being just myself.  I - I was afraid that my ability to endure time
  and life on my own, had at long last been compromised, that I was
  doomed._

  _Well and truly.  Remember, you were at one with Raffi, the chains got
  to play on you while you were there.  Raffi's blatant careless hedonism
  was a reaction to despair, that he couldn't deal with, and it blocked
  your own ability to deal with despair.  Remember your reaction when
  Kardia told you how she felt?_

  Grief, loss.  A wound, still raw and bleeding.  The savage scorn in her
  voice when she had cried, "He's _just_ a FRIEND, damnit!"  The whiteness
  of the flame of truth.  His anguish vivid on his face, overpowering his
  most desperate struggles for control.  And, later, the blank shock in her
  stare, when he had been forced to confess his own feelings.

  _That's part of it.  Remember before, when she first said that you
  should wait?_

  More grief, the numb platitudes spoken to the weaver.

  _Yeah, that's the other half.  What a really rotten perspective.
  You're tainting the memory with interpreted emotions, Kadrys.  She
  was in pain, physical pain, and she was sick with fear that they
  were going to kill you, and she was also trying to save your life.
  I'd sooner have Kardia as a friend than a thousand people with
  smaller hearts as lovers._

  _But it was so devastating, as if all we had was worthless to her.
  And yet I knew it was troubling her to make that break, she's such
  a gentle soul inside, and she's been hurt too often._

  _Kadrys, all you had to do was listen to your own words.  What you
  said to her, that she needed room to grow, that it'd be wonderful to
  be her friend, that friendship is the best basis for love.  Very
  true.  You're a wise man, a patient man, with too much practice at
  waiting, yet you never listened to your own advice.  You said all
  that to soothe _her_ feelings, while inside you were a solid mass
  of pain.  Pain you stubbornly refused to show.  What, were you afraid
  she'd see it?  Afraid that she had the sympathy, the understanding,
  to try to soothe _your_ pains too?  What are friends for, Kadrys?_

  Kadrys remembered his words to Kardia.  He had dismissed them as
  empty maunderings and platitudes, useless against his grief.  But
  now, he could see the truth in them, the truth 'Raelf was showing
  him.  With 'Raelf surrounding him, one with him, he reached into the
  depths of his soul, searching for the fears that had been obsessing
  him since he was severed from Raffi.  He touched them, could see now
  that they were founded in a web of lies built on a reaction to shock.
  He examined the despair he had felt at Kardia's words, and knew now
  that it was out of proportion to her reasonable wish to live her
  own life.  He could see his feelings in a new light, trace the way
  they had been poisoning his soul, more insidious than any cancer.
  Under the glare of his awareness, his knowledge of what had been
  done to him, they faded like shadows at dawn, and died.

  A warm, silent moment of shared relief.

  _So now.  'Raf was clumsy from shock, but so you'll know I'm not
  a lousy lover when I'm whole and well, I'll withdraw the way it
  should be done.  Gently.  (grin)  Hang on, this will be fun._

  From the gyring might of the elements, the power of the earth reached
  out to Kadrys, folded him into itself.  He knew it, felt it all, the
  thousand layers of the stone, the subtle growth of stalactites, lodes
  and reefs and ores, and beneath it all, the molten heart of the world.
  Solidity, gravity, stability, strength... its touch glowed in him.

  Impulsively he reached out, giving of himself in return.  The strong
  cleaving of the loam with his hands, the push of his muscles against
  soft soil, the wet slick slide of clay against his skin.  The pause
  while the earth settled itself around his body.  The stroke and
  slither of the tiny humble inhabitants of the soil, just brushing
  against him.  And most of all, the silence, the stillness, the
  endless darkness, calling him, drawing him forth from his corpse,
  freeing him for a time from the bonds of his curse.  And, after that
  timeless rest, the awakening, slow and easy, the rising to the
  surface.  The emergence, the rebirth.  The parting.

  A wave reared high above Kadrys, and crashed over him, engulfing him.
  He knew the endless restlessness of the sea, the untameable play of
  the waves, heard the mourning and wisdom in the whisper of foam on
  the sands of a thousand worlds.  As rain he fell in countless
  glittering shards, life fulfilling the need of the world.

  In return, a single memory.  A lake, cradled among high mountains,
  their steep sides plunging into that perfect mirror, seeming to rise
  again in its depths.  The way its purity, its stillness, had sung to
  him, called him.  His dive, arching out over the water, the crystal
  image of the moon on the glass-smooth surface, unobscured by any
  reflection of his own body.  The icy shock of impact, for that one
  instant as absolute as death.  Then the sensation returning in a
  thousand needles of fire and ice, enduring it, exhilarated by it,
  accepting it.  The waters closing over his head as he abandoned all
  movement, and simply sank.  His mouth opening, the air trailing away
  from his body.  The slow, deep breath.  Water like liquid ice,
  entering him, filling him, burning in his lungs until his body shared
  its chill, was one with it, no longer felt it.  Then moving, a
  current of flesh amid the currents of the water, until at last he
  felt strangely disembodied.  As though he _were_, in truth, no more
  than a mind, a feeling, a flowing.  But, in the end, the time came
  when he rose, carving an arrowed wake through the mirror surface.
  Water trailed away from his skin like a farewell caress as he stepped
  out onto the shore once more.

  With a rush, a whirlwind swept Kadrys up and carried him away.
  He heard the uncounted songs of the wind, the whistle in dark pine
  needles, a sound as chill and poignant and distant as the first
  winter star.  The thrum as it sped the sailing ships on their way,
  sent them leaping from wave to wave.  The hollow boom in the mouths
  of caves.  He breathed the dust and heat of nameless desert sandstorms,
  spun the sea into whitecaps and waterspouts, stroked powder snow into
  sculptures purer than any hand could shape.  He knew the utter wildness
  of the hurricane's dance; the glaring sunlight and the unearthly cold
  that blazed eternally in the distant heights, beyond the highest wisps
  of cloud.

  In answer, his memories of the storm: the leap from the end of the
  cliff, the moment that seemed to stretch forever, toppling outward in
  his human form, lying on empty air.  The feeling of his fingers
  reaching out to embrace the breeze, arching, transforming into
  wings.  The dizzying plummet as the shoreline swooped up to meet him.
  The melting and flowing into a new form.  The rapid heartbeat, the
  fierce fragile shape that hurled itself through the air on dark
  veined webs.  The wings, flexible, hands caressing and stroking the
  air, cupping the currents, naked of feather and so sensitive to any
  change in the complex element in which he flew.  The fierce ecstasy
  when the storm seized him, flung him on before it, swift as an arrow,
  savage as a hunting hawk.  The pounding rush as the speed, the power
  of the wind kept on building, giving him might beyond his dreams.
  The wild glory of this could not last forever.  Whenever he was too
  wounded to endure, whenever he was trapped beyond other help, there
  was always one source of solace.  He showed this to 'Raelf, gave him
  the feeling of a maimed and broken body dispersing atom from atom,
  expanding softly into mist.  The pain vanishing like an evil dream.
  The sun losing its power to sear.  The deep strangeness of the
  mistform.  Insensible to light, but extremely responsive to shape,
  to pressure, to vibration: to tiny changes in the air that sustained
  it.  Possessing no form, slipping round any obstacle with an
  irresistible soft flowing that even water could not match.  And
  later, emerging from the mistform, his body healed and free of pain.

  Fire reached out to Kadrys, lapping him in golden light, bathing him
  in leaping, raging heat.  He knew the agony and the triumph of the
  Phoenix, burned with an efreet's pride, read the secrets in the gleam
  of a dragon's eyes.  He swam in flame with salamanders, watched a
  hearthfire with the sight of a witch, seeing faces long dead and
  events not yet born.  He stared into the heart of the sun and did not
  burn, understood it and knew it was anathema to his kind because it
  was the source of all life, and because, in the end, he was a
  creature of death.

  All of Kadrys' direct memories of fire were memories of pain, of
  hunters and stakes and his body burning.  Unfit for gifts.  Ah, but
  there was another fire that would make a fitting gift, especially
  since he remembered 'Raelf had referred to it as fire once.  The fire
  of pleasure.  The fire of blood.  A deep, personal gift.  His
  experience with someone they both loved.  Kardia.  His mouth cupping
  itself to the warm skin of her throat.  The exquisite sensuality of
  sinking his fangs into her flesh.  The incandescent heat of her
  blood, falling into him, filling his thirst, the pleasure of it
  setting every fibre of his being ablaze.  This memory melding into
  another.  Whereas the first was a slow seduction, full of the ache of
  anticipation, this experience blazed like lightning from the blue.
  An explosion of power, _life_ of such absolute intensity that even he
  was overwhelmed by it.  The ecstasy of drinking 'Raelf's blood.

  The embracing gyre of elements faded away.  There was only the Void.
  And the Darkness.  Like, and unalike.  Opposite and complementary.

  <<Void.>>  _Darkness._ 
  
  <<Spirit.>>  _Soul._ 
  
  <<Tao.>>  _Shadow._

   Two.
   
   Two-in-one.
   
   United.  Unique.
   
   Two-in-one.
   
   One.  Sharing.

   Solitude.  Completion.  Wholeness.  One.


   I am.


  The darkness vanished as Kadrys opened his eyes, staring from a
  distance of a few inches into eyes that for once were as black as his
  own.  Then, 'Raelf smiled, and the vivid, changing colours returned.
  Kadrys returned the smile.  He was moved beyond words by what they
  had shared.  The next moment, his eyes blurred with rising tears:
  impossible in the world of the flesh, where his body was a dead
  thing, maintained solely by a curse; but very possible here, where
  his spirit existed, all too human; and now, whole and secure and
  strong, healed of the avatar's touch.

  "Thank you." Kadrys whispered intensely, staring into the depths of
  those shimmering eyes, knowing that no words could ever express his
  feelings, knowing that there was no need for him to express them,
  that they were already understood.

  'Raelf grinned at him, a crooked triangular grin that mimicked his
  own habitual smile.  "Pleasure..." he murmured.  A chuckle in reply,
  and a loosening in their arms that were still wound tight around each
  other.  An unhurried backing away, a mutual drawing of a deep,
  relieved breath.  'Raelf stood, golden hair blazing, backlit by the
  sun.  The towering clouds were gone, the crimson waters that had
  soaked them were steaming off their bodies.  Kadrys looked up, into
  its rays, lifting an eyebrow enquiringly at 'Raelf, who held out his
  hand.  "Call it a day?"  'Raelf smiled.  Kadrys nodded, grinning
  quietly.  "Yes. A red letter day."  'Raelf moved, his shadow blotting
  out the sun.  The beach vanished from Kadrys' sight.


Kadrys blinked.  He was staring at the emptied pewter cup in his hands.
The pleasure he had felt when draining it had been so intense that his
grip had tightened on it without his awareness.  Its crumpled shape was
the exact double of another cup, one he had also crushed involuntarily,
during another private talk with 'Raelf.  But that time, he had been
reacting to overwhelming anguish rather than ecstasy.  That time, he had
been told by 'Raelf's oracle self of his destined betrayal and murder of
his friends, his own death.  That terrible fate had been averted by
'Raelf's intervention.  And now?  Now it had happened again.  Once more,
'Raelf had saved him from being destroyed by an evil within himself.
He grinned silently at 'Raelf, a grin that didn't _quite_ reach his eyes,
as the 'kan looked up from his own surprised glance at the twisted metal
in Kadrys' hand.

At that moment, Mary Littlefair bustled up to collect the glasses.  She
heaved a small sigh as she scooped up the mangled cup, but didn't say
anything until she was back in the kitchen.  Kadrys just caught her
muttering under her breath:

"He may be a gentleman, but he's _awfully_ hard on the fittings..."

The other customers in the Inn just couldn't understand why both Kadrys and
'Raelf suddenly burst out laughing...

+  "... red rain--
+  putting the pressure on much harder now
+  to return again and again
+  just let the red rain splash you
+  let the rain fall on your skin
+  I come to you defences down
+  with the trust of a child."
+ 
+ 		"Red Rain" - Peter Gabriel