A Woman's Story

Date: Sun, 30 Jun 1996 23:32:44 -0400
From: Kafka Dreams (kjc@[APOCALYPSE])
To: void
Subject: a woman's story

So, I went to the DRUG STORE today - not my REGULAR drug store tho', cuz THAT one doesn't HAVE what I NEED and THIS one was on the way to where I was going and thus, as a both CONVENIENT and UNEXPLORED OPTION it showed GREATER PROMISE - to buy some FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS (cuz goddess knows I need PROTECTION from them FEMININES).

And LO, I did take up some ULTRA SUPER LUCIOUSLY THICK (yet charmingly slim) INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED AND HAND-CRAFTED _WICKED_ ABSORBENT FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS - tho' not my regular SUCK-YER-SOUL-DRY brand cuz they didn't have THOSE even tho' that's why I went to this DIFFERENT drug store, but I figured while I was there, well, what the heck, y'know? - and thus I did BRING my FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS to the counter.

And THEREON was an older woman, clerking. And I did GIVE OVER my FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS for her to tally. This she did and I PAID for my PURCHASE in CASH. And after she gave me my CHANGE, she reached under the counter - and I KNEW, in my HEART, that she was reaching for the DAMN PLASTIC BAGS they keep there - so I SAID,

"I have a bag."

And I did PLACE my BRIGHT GREEN MESH BAG, bought not FIVE minutes before at the BREAD&CIRCUS for EXPRESSLY this PURPOSE, upon the counter.

And the clerk, in ONE SMOOTH MOTION, YANKED a BAG from under the counter and PUT IT OVER MY FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS then FLIPPED it to be HANDLES UP and said,

"That's a nice bag."

Wherein she PUT THE PLASTIC BAG, FULL OF FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS, INTO MY BRIGHT GREEN MESH BAG AND HANDED IT TO ME without a TRACE of damn irony.

I was speechless. Outmaneuvered, I left, hanging my head in shame.

Kelly J.

But when I got HOME, I took my FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS _OUT_ of the double-damned double bags and performed an INTERPRETIVE DANCE using the FEMININE PROTECTION PRODUCTS for EMPHASIS. That NEVER FAILS to cheer me up.