THE EGO TRIPPED
_______________by Kelly J. Cooper


<PONK>

*drip*drip*drip*

<PONK>

*drip*drop*drip*

<PONK>

*drop*drip*drop*

<pop>

_eh?  wazzat?_

*hssssssssssss*

_uh-oh._

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

"WARNING!"

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

"WARNING!  SHELL PENETRATION!  BREACH IMMINENT!  WARNING!"

_oh shit._

*hssSSssssSSSsssSSSssSSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE*

<KER-CHUNK>

*EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

"WARNING!  *W*A*R*N*I*N*G*  ID HAS BEEN JETTISONED!  WARNING!"

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

*EEeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

"Helm!  This is your Captain!  Come in helm!"

*EEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

(fumble)

<clunk>

(scrabblescrabblegrab)

<click>

"Here sir, yessir?"

"Helm!  We've had a major breach of the outer hull!  The EGO is
deflating at a faster rate than we can restore confidence!  We've
tried jettisoning the ID to ease the pressure on the unconscious, to
no avail! We ..."

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

"WARNING!  EVACUATE THE SUPEREGO!  WARNING!  EVACUATE THE SUPEREGO!"

"Captain?!"

<KER-CHUNK>

"CAPTAIN!?!?"

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

"WARNING!  THE SUPEREGO HAS BEEN JETTISONED!  WARNING!"

>VWOOOP< >VWOOOP< >VWOOOP<

_oh shit._

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

_I told them NOT to inflate the stupid motherfucking EGO so much.  But
THEY wouldn't listen to ME and now look where we are!  Shit._

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE{it's only a fleshwound!}EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

_Had to pump it up more.  'Why can't we just cruise at this speed?  We
do alright.' sez I, but no.  'We can do BETTER!  We want to go faster
NOW!' Sez the Engineer, from halfway up the Captain's ass.  'But it'll
become unstable!  We could lose the whole ship.  It'll increase power
naturally.  That's the design,' sez I, 'I mean, who knows what could
happen if we add that much hot air ...' 'ENOUGH Helmsman, that'll be
all.' Fine how do ya do there._

"WARNING!  *W*A*R*N*I*N*G*!  EGO IMPLOSION IMMINENT!  SUGGESTING
MANUAL DEFLATION TECHNIQUES FOR BRINGING EGO BACK UNDER CONTROL!"

_Manual techniques?  Oh god!  The computer!_

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

<tappitytappitytappitytappitytappitytappitytappitytappitytap>

ego> ls -alF
drwxr-sr-x  9 ego          1024 Sep 16 12:19 ./
drwxr-sr-x 70 root         1536 Sep 16 03:00 ../
-rw-------  1 ego           394 May  7 17:15 .Distfile
-rw-------  1 ego           441 Sep 16 11:45 .authority
-rw-------  1 ego           559 Sep 16 09:15 .awake
-rw-------  1 ego          2647 Aug  3 23:03 .aliases
-rw-------  1 ego          3002 Aug 21 20:26 .cshrc
-rw-------  1 ego          1920 Jul 19 13:47 .defaults
-rw-rw-rw-  1 ego           103 Jul 27 21:54 .echo
-rw-------  1 ego          8766 Aug  1 20:43 .english
-rw-------  1 ego          4192 Aug 10 14:13 .host
-rw-------  1 ego           559 Sep 16 09:14 .login
-rw-------  1 ego           320 Sep 15 23:19 .logout
-rw-------  1 ego           793 Jul 29 16:38 .mailrc
-rw-r--r--  1 ego         47510 Sep 16 10:42 .newspaper
-rw-------  1 ego           320 Sep 15 23:20 .sleep
-rw-r--r--  1 ego           280 May 27 13:38 .tattoo
drwx------  1 ego          1536 Jun 19 15:52 HIDDEN.FILES/
-rwxrwxrwx  1 ego       1974000 Feb 19  1992 REALITY
drwx------  1 ego          2048 Sep 16 11:30 UNJUSIFIED.ASSUMPTIONS/
lrwxrwxrwx  1 ego             9 Feb 19  1992 confidence -> /dev/null
drwx------  2 ego           512 Sep 11 18:21 current/
drwx------  2 ego           512 Sep 14 21:03 lost+found/
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep  8 13:42 knowledge/
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep 15 15:47 self-importance/
-rw-------  1 ego           797 Jul 23 03:14 security.fix
drwx------  2 ego          1024 Sep 15 14:57 work/

_C'mon, c'mon._

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

ego> mv REALITY ALTERNATE.REALITY
permission denied.

_Fuck_

ego> su root
password:

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> mv REALITY ALTERNATE.REALITY
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ln -s /usr/etc/REALITY/ REALITY 
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeeee*

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -alF
drwxr-sr-x  9 ego          1024 Sep 16 12:19 ./
drwxr-sr-x 70 root         1536 Sep 16 03:00 ../
-rw-------  1 ego           394 May  7 17:15 .Distfile
-rw-------  1 ego           441 Sep 16 11:45 .authority
-rw-------  1 ego           559 Sep 16 09:15 .awake
-rw-------  1 ego          2647 Aug  3 23:03 .aliases
-rw-------  1 ego          3002 Aug 21 20:26 .cshrc
-rw-------  1 ego          1920 Jul 19 13:47 .defaults
-rw-rw-rw-  1 ego           103 Jul 27 21:54 .echo
-rw-------  1 ego          8766 Aug  1 20:43 .english
-rw-------  1 ego          4192 Aug 10 14:13 .host
-rw-------  1 ego           559 Sep 16 09:14 .login
-rw-------  1 ego           320 Sep 15 23:19 .logout
-rw-------  1 ego           793 Jul 29 16:38 .mailrc
-rw-r--r--  1 ego         47510 Sep 16 10:42 .newspaper
-rw-------  1 ego           320 Sep 15 23:20 .sleep
-rw-r--r--  1 ego           280 May 27 13:38 .tattoo
-rwxrwxrwx  1 root      1974000 Feb 19  1992 ALTERNATE.REALITY
drwx------  1 ego          1536 Jun 19 15:52 HIDDEN.FILES/
lrwxrwxrwx  1 ego            15 Sep 16 13:38 REALITY -> /usr/etc/REALITY/
drwx------  1 ego          2048 Sep 16 11:30 UNJUSIFIED.ASSUMPTIONS/
lrwxrwxrwx  1 ego             9 Feb 19  1992 confidence -> /dev/null
drwx------  2 ego           512 Sep 11 18:21 current/
drwx------  2 ego           512 Sep 14 21:03 lost+found/
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep  8 13:42 knowledge/
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep 15 15:47 self-importance/
-rw-------  1 ego           797 Jul 23 03:14 security.fix
drwx------  2 ego          1024 Sep 15 14:57 work/
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> 

_Ok!_

*EEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> chown ego ALTERNATE.REALITY
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ^T
load 57.09, pid 1357 children 1, %cpu 0.00, 236k of 216k running

_ye godz_

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> rm confidence
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ln -s /usr/spool/incoming/ confidence 
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> chmod 644 confidence
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd self-importance
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls
divinity		instincts		superiority
divinity.BAK		personal

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF superiority
-rw-------  1 ego       2212586 Aug 19 15:52 superiority

_sheesh!_

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF personal
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep 15 23:09 personal/

*EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeee*

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd personal
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls
HANDSOME			finely-tuned-muscles
buns				rational
eyes.baby.blue			right.always
gods.gift.to.women		romantic
good.hands			penis-size
hair.perfect			sexy
hand-eye-coordination		tailor.made
intelligent			wise
irresistable			witty

_oh brother_

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd 
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF self-importance
drwx------  2 ego          1536 Sep 15 15:47 self-importance/
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> rm -r self-importance

Nooooo ...

		Not    the

		   hair

	Don't 
		
		mess up ...

*EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF self-importance
self-importance not found
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> touch basic.appearance
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> chown ego basic.appearance
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF basic.appearance
-rw-------  1 ego             0 Sep 16 17:03 basic.appearance
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd HIDDEN.FILES
Are you sure (y/n) [n]: yes
I mean, you have to be really sure.  You're not a girl are you? (y/n):
^CI AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> whoami
root
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> who am i
brain.body.me!operator		ttyp0	Sep 16 13:43   (ego.psych.me)
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd HIDDEN.FILES
Are you sure (y/n) [n]: yes
I mean, you have to be really sure.  You're not a girl are you? (y/n): no
Good.  No girls allowed.
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls 
DREAMS		HOPES		love		suppressed.memories
FEARS		ideas		self-concept	suspicions

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF suspicions
-rw-------  1 ego       1331742 Sep 15  17:03 suspicions
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> rm suspicions
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -aldF FEARS
drwx------  1 ego	   1024 Sep 15  17:04 FEARS/
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd FEARS
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls 
IRS			little.dick		
body.odor		loneliness
castration.complex	love
children		marriage
clumsy			nose-hair
death			poverty
dentist			responsibility
emasculated		short
embarrassment		sterile
fat			stupid
feminine		ugly
foolish.appearance	unnatractive
inferior		vagina.envy
leeches			wimpy
life

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> compress *

*EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> cd UNJUSTIFIED.ASSUMPTIONS
I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ls -C | more
American			immortality.CKP
GOD				judgement
GOD.BAK				language.whorf
UFO				men.strong
abortion			morality
adams.rib			rape.fault
child.abuse			religion.superior
death.n.destiny			republican.ethic
discrimination			womans.place
editors				women.irrational
government.infallibility	women.lib.foolish
immortality			women.weak

_oh yuck_

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> rm -r UNJUSTIFIED.ASSUMPTIONS

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

  Our 
senses report
      an external
                        reality.

        Government is
 necessary -- without it, no
 one would ever act in his
  or her own best        interests.

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

*EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeee*

Any 
  meaningful
    question
     can
      be
       answered
        through
         appropriate
         
application
        of the scientific

 method.

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

                               Something's alternative 
being abhorrent (ie failure of imagination)
          makes something true.

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

     Perceived memory is
                               proof of time and continuity.

NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS NOT RESPONDING
NFS SERVER CONSCIOUSNESS OK

	Help

  me

		I'm

				meeeeellllllll
					    lllttttt
						    ttttii
							iiiinnnnn
								 nnngggg

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiip*

<PONK>

*drip*drip*drip*

I AM THE WONDERFUL EGO> ^D
ego>^T
load 0.37, pid 1357 children 1, %cpu 0.00 200k of 232k, running

"System Secure.  Red Alert to Green."

ego>

_whew_

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright Kelly J. Cooper, 1992.  kjc@[APOCALYPSE].[ORG], The Ego Tripped. 
Special thanks to Edward Lopez (who wrote some bits), the LCSR staff
(who fixed some bits) and my friends (who encouraged my bits).
----------------------------------------------------------------------