I can't remember...
I was thinking of something
nothing interesting, just an idle 
train of thought
and suddenly it was gone.  Derailed.
Now it's important
because it's lost and could have become
something beautiful but it can't --
I can't --
unless I find it again.
There's a certain desperation 
in reaching grasping scrabbling
through one's memories and random images
trying to sort out a single thought
just one double helix of twisted
ideas and dialogue
among a bodies' worth of genetic information
all trapped within my skull
(and loosely organized
like a poorly kept library
combining the Dewey Decimal System with
an alphabetic set of subjects
and a randomly associated bin of 
sights sounds smells textures tastes
where someone set the card file
on fire then doused the flames with
cream soda... the result is unmaneagable,
sticky, and still smoldering in places).
I have often thought 'I am lost'
but never before have I realized that 
I was saying 'I am lost within myself' 
all along.  I am drowning in myself
in my expectations and wishes, my desires.
Mostly in my fears and fantasies.
Drowning, running, losing, 
slipping, something, someone, anything, I...
I was thinking of something,
but now I've forgotten.

			Kelly J. Cooper
			9/19/94
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