Date: Mon, 28 Mar 94 12:46:58 EST
From: Kafka Dreams <kjc@[OLD RUTGERS ADDRESS]>
To: void
Subject: I don't even believe me, sometimes...


It all started with the damn bus... Wait.  No.  That's a different
story.

I have noticed, in the last year or two, that a few of my t-shirts
have become discolored.  Distinctly faded on the collar, in the front
of the shirt only.  I couldn't figure out why... normally when I have
an effect of some sort that's consistent I can track down the cause.
This time I was without clue.  I thought perhaps left-over cleaning
agents in the public washers I use, but why in the same place each
time?  Definitely had to be a behavior of mine.

Eventually, I discolored a fairly new t-shirt and realized what the
cause was -- when I've been wearing my glasses for a while, a bit of
sweat-slime builds up between the sides of my nose and the plastic
resting pads of my glasses.  When wearing a t-shirt, I sometimes use
the collar to wipe it off.  I thought 'how odd' and filed it away
under 'habits to quit' and promptly stopped doing it.

However, I've only _just_ realized *why* that was happening.  It came
to me as I was staring at my discolored towel -- it looked exactly as
if someone had done a shoddy job of adding bleach to the washing
machine -- and suddenly I understood.  Remember when I mentioned New
Brunswick water with a clorox chaser?  I wasn't kidding.  They
chlorinate our water in an attempt to make it safely drinkable.  In
actuality, they are POLLUTING our PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!  Observe!
My sweat is now a BLEACHING AGENT!  NOTE THE WHITE PATCHES SCATTERED
ABOUT MY BODY!  Soon I will be COMPLETELY BLOND!  I will be the MOST
caucasian Caucasian on the ENTIRE PLANET!  Even my INSIDES will be
WHITE WHITE WHITE!  

...And CLEAN as a WHISTLE, gosh darnit!