>Path: igor.rutgers.edu!aramis.rutgers.edu!not-for-mail
>From: kjc@ [OLD RUTGERS ADDRESS] (Kelly J. Cooper)
>Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
>Subject: Round and round
>Date: 20 Mar 1995 02:40:48 -0500
>Organization: The Farm
>Lines: 31
>Message-ID: <3kjbi0$81m@aramis.rutgers.edu>
>Reply-To: kjc@apocalypse.org
>NNTP-Posting-Host: aramis.rutgers.edu


The bleeding edge burst of possibilities is filling me, gently,
terribly, inevitably coloring what I see and feel and hear and touch
while elsewhen, the chaos is jagged, growing from my center like
crystals building sharply they threaten to meet and explode I cannot
integrate them, interlace, find middleground between the two my heart
splashes and I wake and wake and wake but my dreams are jealous of
sunlight where no one sings me lullabies and I have ties of blood and
time calling, entreating my responsible self to awaken and reach out
but I cannot find the time I've lost and thin arms of aging reach
waving reminding me of small things with arthritic joints and sad eyes
I look within and realize I hate death but embrace decay and the
shedding of cells of pieces of my life of skin everything changes and
grows and outgrows I am homesick for the home I never had but really
it's the endings I cannot bear, though I know change is eternal and we
are slipped into the stream of allthings but it is the stopping, like
squealing brakes and wrenching impact taking us out of the infinite
journey that are beyond me that are past where my brain can travel
right now they are not stillness full of whatmightbe they are the
silence of whatwas and willneverbeagain I find myself staring over an
edge, through a crack, under the floor, into the next day looking for
the thing, the pouncing surprise my heart senses and skitters away
from, I cannot hide so I press my wrists together tightly hoping to
create a loop, a cycle of myself where my blood does not go back and
forth but around and around forever never ending, never ceasing its
song, protecting me from the pause of fear between beats of
possibility where I wait, breathless.

--
Kelly J. Cooper
3/20/95, 1:20am